the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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