i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
