i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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