Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
