I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
