Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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