Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
