its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
