there's paper in my vomit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
