Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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