Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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