I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
