I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
