Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
