Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i love accidental penises.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
