i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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