thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
