I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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