everyone is single if you try hard enough
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
