Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize