you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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