god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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