he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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