i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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