Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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