i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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