those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
