Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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