would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
