Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
