It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
