Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
