I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
