You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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