if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
