You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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