I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
