you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
