so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
