I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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