Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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