She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Everything about him screamed your future.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
