I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
