i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
