did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
