I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize