you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
