you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
