GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize