i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
