I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
