Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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