so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
