sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
