So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
