You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
