I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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