Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
