I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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