i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
