im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
