ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
