Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i now understand why vodka
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
