Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
