the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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