I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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