So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
