My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
