If i come over, it means nothing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
