I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
