Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
