I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
