You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
