i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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