Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
