I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
