Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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