You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
