I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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