You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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