Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
