Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
