I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
