As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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