addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
