You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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