Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
