she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
