hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
