"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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