what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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