It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
