I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No subtext here. People are naked.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
