Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
