also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
