the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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