i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
