she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
