your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
