we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
