New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
