omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like iHOP with fire
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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