If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
