just tell him i said nine months
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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