Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
