I got chris browned last night
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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