My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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