Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
