are you so shy because you have an std?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
