I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
