well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
