worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
